One more reason to love grape juice (As if we needed it!)

5 03 2007

When I started attending Chabad last year, they only ever had wine out for Kiddush.  I’ve never been a big fan of alcohol, since I really dislike the boozy taste (Yes, even in Manashevitz and Rashi 😛 I’m a light weight, what can I say?)  so I just had a really small amount, and drank water the rest of the evening.  However, for Pesach, because we would have had to have 4 cups, they also had out Kedem grape juice.  Between my friend and I, we went though an entire big jug of it in one night.  (Yes, we were by far the giggliest ones there, sugar highs are way better than drunkenness.)  After that, they always have grape juice out for kiddush.  I have since discovered the wonder that is Kedem Sparkling Peach Grape Juice.  Best stuff for kiddush ever. 

 But that’s not what I wrote this to tell you about.  What I’m writing to tell you about, is that not only is Concord grape juice healthy (see here and here if you need proof.)  According to Dr Daniel Snyder of Knox College, it is also the best way to defend against Velociraptor attack:

“I notice that many of your comics [at XKCD] revolve around people (including yourself) with a phobia of Velociraptor. This phobia revolves around Velociraptor overcoming some 70 million years of extinction and the geographic barriers between its home and yours, leaping out of the underbrush and/or through the kitchen, and doing unmentionable things to your innards with its teeth and claws.

[…] I would like to help you overcome your fears by successfully defending yourself against Velociraptor.

It is widely known in the field of agronomy […]that birds are repulsed by methyl anthranilate, a natural compound found in many of the less sweet fruit varieties. […] Now, we know […]that modern birds are descended from dinosaurian ancestors, of which one close relative was Velociraptor (ibid.).  Much as lab rats respond to drugs like humans, it is entirely possible that Velociraptor will respond to methyl anthranilate as does the common crow or European starling.

Thus, I recommend you carry around a loaded SuperSoaker filled with Concord grape juice. Fresh-squeezed would be ideal, but from concentrate should be effective as well. This will not only have the theoretical asset of protecting you from Velociraptor, it will have the pragmatic asset of protecting you from thirst. [emphasis mine] ” Full letter

Oh yeah.  I can see it now “Kedem:  Saving the world from veliociraptors, one attack at a time. “

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